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I thought this was going to be the end of my troubles. I was supposed to get the transplant and be able to go back to work. I was wrong. In the four days after the operation we remove drainage tubes and got me back on my feet. This all happened in July  2009. I don’t remember the rest of 2009. This is when the medical surrogate form took over. I was no longer conscious or able to make decisions. So the only way they can carry on with my care was with my wife and daughter.

This is when I entered another world. This world is were my brain tried to explain what was going on to my body. I was having terrible dreams about my wife cheating on me. I believe I was dreaming about this because for the first time in 22 years I didn’t see my wife on a daily basis. This was all arranged before hand that she would go home during the week so she could go to work. Then she would come back on the weekend and I should be able to go home.I also had dreams that my daughter killed my dogs. What really happened during this time was we had an older dog that had to be put down. This was her dog when she was a child growing up, so we thought it would only be right if she was there when the dog was put down.Then I dreamed that my in-laws were no longer allowed to see me because they tried to sneak me out of the hospital. I believe this dream was once again trying to explain why I wasn’t going home, when I was told I’d be going home on the weekend.

Those are the dreams I somewhat have an explanation of. The other dreams I have no idea why dreamed of them. Those dreams were about people trying to kill me or take me away. My wife even try to settle me down by telling me she hired security guards to protect me. None of this fit into my timeline because I was told on Friday that I would probably going home over the weekend. Nothing made any sense and everything hurt and there was no way out.

The place I talk about I still have nightmares about today. I wake up in the middle of the night trying to scream. I have found it easier to try not to fall into a deep sleep. This way I always have a way out unlike before. I do think it’s weird that I’m a grown man that’s afraid of sleep.


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